One day at a time
by Rizzo14193
Summary: Jenna had been avoiding her talk with Matty, but now it was time as the conversation goes on Jenna starts to reline what is truly going on, and she has no idea what to do now,but she's taking life with out him one day at at time.
1. Chapter 1

I need to be honest with you Jenna, Mattie said.  
Those words make my heart stop and my brain run with thoughts of fear of what to come.  
Does he still love me?  
Has he replaced me?  
Is he going to leave me?  
Maybe this is for the best I think trying to hold back tears of weakness and fear of loss.  
I should break up with him before he breaks up with me I thought.  
I think we shouldn't talk for a while Jenna, Mattie said.  
Why? I responded hurt by the thought  
Jenna you've become a little obsessive and I'm starting to get annoyed Mattie said.  
There it was the word. Annoying like a bug you want to smosh with your shoe that's what I was a bug.  
so you want a break? I responded.  
That was the word that hurt him a break like I wanted to run off and come back to his loving arm like he was always going to be there. I had use those words before to hurt him and I knew what it did to him.  
No that's not what I'm saying, but if that's how you want to take it, Mattie responded his eyes hardening as he responded and as he thought of past when I had used that word.  
No! That's not what I want at all, I yelled. My eyes to swell with fear and sadness.  
Mattie was my first. My first real love, the first person to show me kindness. I had loved him so much that I had become overbearing. I gave up so much to be with him, I gave up my innocence ,and many of my friendships. He didn't understand something though. I don't let people in my world of craziness easily, and every time I had they would hurt me. He was the one that hadn't hurt me. At least not until this point.  
How long shouldn't we talk for? I asked looking at the floor not having the ability to look him in the eyes knowing that I did this. I pushed him to this point. I guess this was bound to happen.  
Just until my phone works again ,he responded looking at me with coldness in his eyes.  
How long will that be? I asked. I could barely talk without choking on tears.  
I'm not sure I'll try to get it fixed as soon as possible, he said looking anywhere, but at me.  
So we might not talk for weeks? I asked not really wanting to know the answer because I felt like he didn't care if he ever talked to me again.  
Yes possibly, he responded without hesitation and not caring if that was how long it would be.  
Why? I asked finally, and I started to cry at that point I knew this was my fault, and I would need to face my punishment.  
Because jenna you need to be able to not obsess and go short periods of time without talk to me, he responded trying to sound like this wasn't going to hurt our relationship and this wasn't a break up speech.  
I feel like I'm being punished I said, crying and wiping the tears with my sweater.  
You're not being punished at all I'm trying to help you break your obsessing and make it possible for you to go short periods of time without talking to me, sorry but I need to go, he responded trying to stop my tears, but still having a coldness in his voice.  
Yea maybe this will help me calm down, I responded with sarcasm trying to look at the nonexistent "bright" side of this.  
Yea exactly, I'm really sorry, but I gotta to go, he said and turning around and going to his car.  
I was left there crying.  
I cried there's no other way?  
No response.  
I sat there crying hearing him drive away from me. I had made him go to this point. I had done this and I had no one to blame, but myself. I cried realizing that this was the end for us. He had left and he didn't have any plans of coming back. I didn't know what to do. I had lost the one person I gave everything up for. Realizing that I was crying over something that may or may not happen made me calm down enough to pick myself up.  
Later that night I sent him a message on facebook saying that I thought this was a good idea and asking if this was going to hurt us at all. No response.  
I had to take it one day at a time living without the one thing I would die for.


	2. Chapter 2

Finally!

He sent me a text saying he got his phone work.

To my pleasant surprise he wasn't upset one bit, but still something wasn't right.

How could it just start working?

After all of that when I finally apologize that's when his phone starts working?

I decided that I really didn't want to know that he didn't want to talk to me.

After all he was my all, my best friend, my first, so of course he wouldn't ignore me...right?

I guess it didn't matter we were talking now, so that's all that mattered.

I was scared though that with 1 wrong word I wouldn't talk to him again for days, and he seemed off.

His words had no double meaning, his love didn't seem true. As we talked I decided to ignore my worries and just go with the moment and happy I could talk to him.

As the conversation slowed down, there it was what he had wanted all along.

Maybe you send me a picture, Matty asked.

My heart raced knowing that if I said no that would be the end of our conversation and that he wouldn't talk to me all tomorrow, and probably for the rest of the week.

sure..., I responded.

Great! Jenna could you do 2 actually?, Matty asked.

I saw it having no choice I did it. Before I could send I looked at them realizing I was trading my body for his attention, but with no other guys out there what choose was there?

I pressed the button send.

You're so beautiful Jenna, Matty said.

Thank you, I responded.

Hey Jenna I'm getting tired good night.

Good night, I responded.

No I love you? That's it I thought. He knows I hate pictures, and we hadn't talked in days and that's all he wanted!

I didn't know what to do except cry.

I just did something I promised myself I would never do, and I did it for Matty, but all I got in return was "good night".

Something needs to change I thought.

I had brought it up to him before.

My thoughts began to race of what I had done, and the tears just kept running down my face.

What I just did I could tell no one. Tamara would say that it was a slut move, Ming is dealing with the Mafia, and my mom and dad would hang me.

I have no one to talk to, but Matty, and he doesn't want to listen to me.

Maybe it would have been better if I just hadn't responded to him at all?

Feeling used, useless,and slightly abused, I turned off the lights and went to bed to see what tomorrow would bring me.

The next morning my mom woke me up with a big breakfast. My stomach was full of guilt and starving for acceptance, not food. I ate as much as I could. My mom said what's wrong? You love my pancakes Jenna. Nothing mom just had a rough night, I responded barely looking at her in the eyes knowing they were full of the thought of my innocence. Me and Matty needed to talk about what happened, but I didn't know what to say to him. I decided to just let it go and wait for him to text me. My thought was he would miss me enough that he would text me to show he cared. The first day I filled with disappointment. The second day filled with anger. The third day I filled with sadness that my relationship with him was not worth the same to him as it was to me. He was my best friend, and my first. How was it that I didn't mean anything to him? As the days went on I slowly forgot my anger and disappointment. I realized that I was the one holding on to something that was long gone.

After 10 days I needed to know what was going on it seemed like a clear sign of a break up.

Matty what the fuck happened? I asked.

My phone broke, Matty said.

Well you could have told me what happened, I yelled.

I'm sorry I forgot, Matty responded his eyes hardening.

You forgot about me? I asked as the tears started to come into my eyes.

Yea sorry Jenna without my phone I forgot about a lot of people,Matty responded without realizing what he had just said.

You forgot about me...great I said barely being able to look away from the ground let alone look into his eyes. I started to walk away that was it for me.

He pulled my arm and said look Jenna I'm sorry.

How could you just forget me? I said no longer hiding my tears of anger and sadness.

It just happened...I'm really sorry how can make it up Jenna? Matty asked realizing he had hurt me.

Nothing it doesn't matter you'll just forget about me again, I said.

Jenna I'll facebook chat you, and I'm trying to get my phone fixed, Matty said trying to hold my hand.

You promise? I asked falling for it again.

I promise, Matty said looking at me and trying to smale.

Okay I said.

I just need to wait and see if this will be a broken promise. Even though my heart was already broken beyond repair.


End file.
